Number 4- "Why can't I Have A Boyfriend No One Else Will Look At?"
Post Newy Babe of Despair i undertook a serious descent into what could only be adequately described as my greatest ever Neg Spiral. I spent day holed up in my room, only to be periodically relieved by my mates who took me surfing and by the rendezvous i set up with females over my trusty old friend myspace. I had a tried and tested formula, find some babe on a random page, check them out, send them a private message relating to some sort of quirky feature i noticed in a photo or a mutual interest that could be found in the appropriately titled "interests" section of their page. Once a slice of cute banter took place i waited for them to add me, then slipped a little ambiguous comment on their page. One such exchange resulted in a date to North Gong beach with a girl that i will refer to as D. Szakaly, no wait that's far too obvious, her moniker will be Daisy. S. Anyway another 10 month or so relationship ensued, though this time it wasn't all naive good times as we had both lost our minds over babes previously and as a result were far less naive about our chances of being together forever.
Anyway as a result of her previous relationship where she got messed around like some kind of bitch Daisy was hardly what you could call trusting or empathetic. The first time we broke up was because i was going out on a Wednesday night (back in the glory days of 3 dollar pints, free pizza and hits like Jack Jack Jacky, so who could blame me). She decided that she was sick of me partying when she couldn't, her being a school girl of only 17 and all, and that it was time to call it quits. I showed a defiant attitude and agreed, before putting on my trusty tight black/black volley combo and strutting my way to old faithful, The Glass House Tavern. 20 minutes later i was fanging around the dancefloor to the inspiring beat of Koots all time favourite town track, The Midas Touch, when i gazed around at the faces of average babes and douche faced dudes and promptly lost my mind. Soon enough i found my self on the neg spiral express AKA the 11.43 train from Wollongong to Thirroul. Upon this death cab for deccy i decided to call her explaining how lost in a sea of faces i was without her in my life. She was sympathetic and i thought things were on the heavily worn road to recovery. However two nights later she went to a party with her little school friends, advertised herself as single, and proceeded to make out with a dude. By the time 2 AM rolled round she was calling me in tears informing me of her deeds, voice full of guilt and remorse. However, being the egotistical dude I am, I failed to take the apology with good grace and decided she deserved a lambasting of the highest order. The next day i received countless apologetic messages and attempted contact via telephone, until she finally tricked me into answering by ringing off her work phone. Like the dog faced dog i am, i quickly succumbed to her attempts at organizing a reunion and before we knew it, we were back in the swing of things. What followed was an even more disjointed attempt at a relationship than before, as jealousy and mistrust were rife.
These seeds of discontent finally blossomed into a full blown confrontation after a day spent at South Beach in Wollongong. Any one who has frequented this place will confirm that it is a massive meat market as adolescent males and females go down to check each other out and gossip about Wollongong babes and parties. After walking passed a posse of your typical 17 year old beach babes, whose gaze seemed to follow the progression of my semi-see through board shorts, Daisy had decided that she had once more had enough of our relationship, proclaiming that she wanted " a boyfriend that no one else would ever look at". Bemused at where she would find such an invisible, yet totally functional and well adjusted human, i agreed that if thats the way she was thinking it could no longer work. This development was again the catalyst to numerous apologetic and heart felt phone calls on both counts, more smooches under the radar with questionable partners, a romantic attempt to rekindle our love as i visited her on her annual summer holiday and a dramatic fight that took place over one of cold rocks marvelous banana splits. Needless to say this shit seriously negged my teets clean off and my room of doom became my summer fortress of solitude as i attempted to hide from Koot's (somewhat jovial) comments how he was glad we broke up because he wanted to joust her because she had a nice set of boobies. The final nail in the proverbial coffin came when she went to the good old V Fest went back to some babes hotel and made out with him. A couple of days later, once i had fully scoped her talking to this babe on facebook, she told me that nothing had happened with the dude, but it was over for good. Eventually however i did find out the truth, as in a typical episode of Revenge of the Dec i was making out with her friend, who showed a huge lack of remorse about her actions. When i questioned her about her lack of empathy towards her friend, she shrugged her shoulders and said she didn't care cos she cheated on me anyways, using the time in question as her main example. If your wondering how i could be such a cock and consider making out with her friends anyway, I will fill you in on the events that made me pretty much lose my mind. So anyway about 3 days after we broke up i rang her as a friendly reminder of who i was and just to let her know i was still thinking of her. However to say i was shocked to hear that she was at a dudes house and was openly admitting it was an understatement. My shock only intensified when i found out over the old MySpace that she was dating that dude within four days of us calling it quits. I guess there is no real need to explain just how gross this made me feel so I'll leave it to your wonderful imagination.
These seeds of discontent finally blossomed into a full blown confrontation after a day spent at South Beach in Wollongong. Any one who has frequented this place will confirm that it is a massive meat market as adolescent males and females go down to check each other out and gossip about Wollongong babes and parties. After walking passed a posse of your typical 17 year old beach babes, whose gaze seemed to follow the progression of my semi-see through board shorts, Daisy had decided that she had once more had enough of our relationship, proclaiming that she wanted " a boyfriend that no one else would ever look at". Bemused at where she would find such an invisible, yet totally functional and well adjusted human, i agreed that if thats the way she was thinking it could no longer work. This development was again the catalyst to numerous apologetic and heart felt phone calls on both counts, more smooches under the radar with questionable partners, a romantic attempt to rekindle our love as i visited her on her annual summer holiday and a dramatic fight that took place over one of cold rocks marvelous banana splits. Needless to say this shit seriously negged my teets clean off and my room of doom became my summer fortress of solitude as i attempted to hide from Koot's (somewhat jovial) comments how he was glad we broke up because he wanted to joust her because she had a nice set of boobies. The final nail in the proverbial coffin came when she went to the good old V Fest went back to some babes hotel and made out with him. A couple of days later, once i had fully scoped her talking to this babe on facebook, she told me that nothing had happened with the dude, but it was over for good. Eventually however i did find out the truth, as in a typical episode of Revenge of the Dec i was making out with her friend, who showed a huge lack of remorse about her actions. When i questioned her about her lack of empathy towards her friend, she shrugged her shoulders and said she didn't care cos she cheated on me anyways, using the time in question as her main example. If your wondering how i could be such a cock and consider making out with her friends anyway, I will fill you in on the events that made me pretty much lose my mind. So anyway about 3 days after we broke up i rang her as a friendly reminder of who i was and just to let her know i was still thinking of her. However to say i was shocked to hear that she was at a dudes house and was openly admitting it was an understatement. My shock only intensified when i found out over the old MySpace that she was dating that dude within four days of us calling it quits. I guess there is no real need to explain just how gross this made me feel so I'll leave it to your wonderful imagination.
However, while you might think this was enough to steer me off this little lady forever, you would be sadly mistaken. For a few months later, after a lapse of judgement during my own 21st celebrations we rekindled our connection, the physical side at least, before once again she lost her mind and decided we had to get back together or finish what we have together. Needless to say i was totally reluctant to get involved in something so fraught with danger and called it quits. This resulted in many attempts for her to get back with me which culminated in her one day appearing at uni, while she was still in highschool, in an attempt to track me down. As i entered the uni bar, to meet with some little friends, already negging about her attempts at some quality emotional black mail, i raised my eyes from there downcast trajectory only to be greeted by her little green eyes peering at me. After deflecting multiple invitations to go back to her house with her i was left to got to my Culture of Everyday Life class and ponder how fucking ridiculous things had got.
This absurdity can probably captured by one particular incident that took place at what was once everyones favourite Wednesday night hang spot, the cooney bar. I was hanging with a few friends out in the old beer garden when i was approached by a young male individual who was flamboyantly dressed and was rocking what can only be described as a crazy Morriseyesque quaff. He soon introduced himself as the dude who was sating Daisy days after our break up, which i found a trifle strange as i was sensing a serious gay vibe from the dude. This only intensified as during the course of our conversation he complimented me numerous times on my appearance and made note that when he had viewed photos of me that he wouldn't have guessed i had such charisma. As one stage he even picked a piece of debris that had made a home on my jacket. When i finally returned to my friends feeling slightly shaken, they all noted, female and male alike, that the dude was definitely gay and was making a not too subtle pass at me. I filled them in that it was actually Daisy's post break up babe and was greeted with a raucous laugh in response. However a couple of days later their theories were somewhat validated when i was informed that he was in fact Bi and enjoyed willys as much as fannys, coffee and being trendy.
Despite this constant battle with each other as a couple I'm happy to say we managed to put this aside and have become quite good friends. Heres the song that she had as her Myspace profile song when we first met, funny how i remember that shit.
Babe Hangs on Grassy Knolls-Number 5
During my time on this earth some of the biggest neg sessions I've ever experience have been born out of hanging with cute little brunettes on little patches of green that became synonymous with our relationship. Two of these in particular have driven my particularly insane as both these girls were extremely unavailable, though equally unafraid of verbalising their feelings for me and how the stretched beyond the realms of friendship. This resulted in many tense, awkward and incredibly confusing conversations that left me siting in my room of doom, lying awake trying to piece together certain choices of words and what they might really mean.
One example of such a conversation came to pass after a series of events that, in retrospect, seems extremely comical. I will call the girl in question M as she is still dating the same dude and as a result her anonymity is paramount. Each week on a Thursday afternoon during a particularly glorious Autumn session, we would meet during our one hour University break on a cute little hill where the grass would be bathed in the last light of they day. During these little hangs we spoke about babes and life and love and would divulge to each other the type of shit you wouldn't normally dare utter in the fear of being dubbed the lamest dude of all time, as she convinced me time after time to skip my lecture in order to double the amount of time we got to spend together. Eventually i began referring to this hallowed piece of turf as the hill of death. However this young lady had other ideas and decided that she would forever refer to it as love hill. So one particular afternoon my little friend Kade, legendary Newcastle Hellman, decided to join me at uni and was introduced to M. He promptly lost his mind, declared her to be the biggest babe he had seen in many moons and that there was something was going on between us. In a typical twist of fate we descended upon the Uni bar that night and the babe in question was going to be joining us with one of her friends. As the night continued and the free beeeeeers from the friendly resident hellman bar dude flowed as strong as the Nile i decided to try my luck with M's friend while she hung with her boyfriend and Kade fanged around dancing and drinking some glorious Smirnoff cans. Eventually we made our way out to her car to get a little better acquainted and typically the beers took their toll on my meagre frame and i spewed all around the the outside of the car. While this was happening Kade had been confronted by M and they were on a mission to find me to tell me something she would only refer to as "extremely important". When Kade pressed further and inquired as to whether this something was that she was hiding some love from me, she simply unfurled one of her trademark smiles. Eventually they found me recovering in a pseudo fetal position and the friend offered to drive us home, with Kade taking shotgun and the reigns of the ipod, while M played her pretty head weighed down with secrets and the effects of alcohol on my lap. The ride that then too place was one the most surreal i have ever encountered. About half way home, after a plethora of cute small talk before she decided that after we had loved and lost one thousand time we should settle down together and have little tackers. As she finished this wonderful sentiment, i promptly got another wave of nausea and proceeded to let a massive projectile vomit go forth from my lips. As if this was not enough already, Kade swiveled in his seat and proclaimed, "oh he is great with moments isn't her". The rest of the trip consisted of constantly attempting to subdue my feeling of sickness again, Kade banging the dashboard and screaming Gyroscopes immortal words "Save Forever" and at the culmination of the ride me hosing down the new spray job i had given the car.
safely home i thought the heaviness of the night had come to a close, however my stomach had other ideas and within minutes of laying my little head on my pillow, i was in the garden spewing.....naked, much to the delight of my little friend Kade.
In the next couple of days M and I discussed what was said and despite her deciding she did indeed have a massive crush on me, it was not worth risking her long term babe over. Cue negspiral. Luckily as we discussed negging can have some positive results. While negging one of the most cathartic activities one can partake in is scribbling down all the shit your dealing with and hopefully coming out with something interesting or rad. Constructive negging i like to call it. Here are two examples of constructive negging that were inspired by the babes i have spent time with on grassy knolls. The first are lyrics to a song Kade penned and now performs, beautifully capturing the aforementioned situation, while the second is a poem that i crafted myself.
Love Hill
Just take what you can get from me
long winters will freeze your face in front of mine
so whisper me sweet nothings like
"we will be just fine"
coincidence fits a little too well this time
and its getting harder to see when your eyes are glued to mine
and i wish i could say the same for you and i
because the blue thats in your eyes sees the green in mine
And to think that you might say
that Love Hill makes you think you could
marry me
or at least say that you can stay
longer than you ever felt you could
coincidence fits a little too well this time
and its getting harder to see when your eyes are glued to mine
and i wish i could say the same for you and i
because the blue thats in your eyes sees the green in mine
but if you just turn now you might be fine
stay here with me dream away our time
long winters will freeze your face in front of mine
so whisper me sweet nothings like
"we will be just fine"
coincidence fits a little too well this time
and its getting harder to see when your eyes are glued to mine
and i wish i could say the same for you and i
because the blue thats in your eyes sees the green in mine
And to think that you might say
that Love Hill makes you think you could
marry me
or at least say that you can stay
longer than you ever felt you could
coincidence fits a little too well this time
and its getting harder to see when your eyes are glued to mine
and i wish i could say the same for you and i
because the blue thats in your eyes sees the green in mine
but if you just turn now you might be fine
stay here with me dream away our time
Untitled Poem
As cold lips conceal truths
Your eyes do belie
Now only your voice
Where wind ought to be
Harsh fast straight
Like a gale
Burying me in vast motion of sea
While you peer at me
Where time bends at our corner
On the periphery
Of my reality
Clad as a funeral mourner
And while our motivations
Are neither simple nor pure
Hidden behind a layered veil
A foreboding shade of brown
Never held such an allure
Leaving me feeling so dreamy
My eyes have grown heavy
And as my lips touch your cheek
Eyes succumb to sleep
I know my waking thought
Will be I miss you already
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