Tonight the team that had us firmly in their sites were known as the Rock Lobsters and had taken out Division 1 of the afformentioned competition every season since the Shreddies inaugural season. However in the corresponding fixture earlier in the season a full strength Shreddies line up led by their captain and mascot, the J Lab, put the evil Cock Lobster to the sword and reportedly choicks were fully doiging it. In direct retaliation to the defeat the defending champion employed what some may call unsportsmanlike tactics, by inviting three absolute rippos to come play, one of which plays Indoor for NSW and the other for South Africa, to take on an under strength Shreddies line up missing Simon "Drazic: I shralp on roller blades and live in a shack" Williams, Patrick "lookatmeiwoodley" Woodley and reeling at the retirement of Christopher "Madigliana the Cat" Bauer. There was only ever going to be one result and we went out there to have a hit and generally have a good time like we do every week.
However in our innings the South African hellman donned the keeping gloves and proceeded to go wild on each and everyone of our batsman, throwing down crazy write offs, using intimidatory tactics and generally just being a massive douche faced douche. During my innings he decided to dub me with the alias Warwick Capper, and I can not say I was really surprised due to the whole similarities in hair length and the fact that this dude looked like some washed up early 90's sportsman. Throughout the innings he said some sort off Capper related remark each and every ball, even saying "good shot Warwick" when I straight drove him for 5 and "thanks Warwick" when i passed him his keeping gloves at the end of the over. At one stage even one of his team mates told him to lighten up because I was just playing the game and was not getting involved in the verbal and he replied "yeah 'cos he thinks he is some kind of hero". Holy shit sauce this guy was one hectoid mother bitch.
Once I got home and was able to have a little giggle about the game I wanted to know a little more about the man who inspired my moniker for tonight and went to the most reliable source on gigabytes, Wikipedia. Turns out he was some massive AFL rippo who kicked 388 goals in 124 games and did crazy showboating like staring in Neighbours and posing for Penthouse Magazine, all while rocking a pretty out of control hair style that most professional sportsman would loathe to rock on the field.
Maybe how wrong the South African dude got it with his intended sledge came from the chat window of one of my female friends, who had the following comments to make about the situation. This is in fact verbatim and not doctored in any shape of form.
He embodies every 'hellman' characteristic, no?
Professional sportsman with silly, impractical hair who isn't one to shy away from tight-fitting pants...
This Video of him on and off the field is absolutely out of control. 
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