Le Tour

The ASP World Tour is lame. I'm sick of Kelly, rancid 'zillas, Keiren Perrow and too many righthanders. The judging got better and the surfing is becoming more progressive, but that is it.

The partying and tomfoolery has been pushed aside in lieu of weight training sessions with the scud and power balance bracelets.

I want 30 comps a year in terrible waves, bitches, drugs and 5 to 10 years max to party your tits off and get a few results before fading into the obscurity of the former pro surfing abyss. Becoming so unknown that twelve year old frothers don't even recognise you working at a local surf shop for $15 an hour, but Dale Simcoe will remember the time you made the quarters at the Drug Aware Pro and had a rad section on a Tracks VHS.

Better yet, I wish I was Brad Gerlach